Same old song and dance
by emmagirl2005
Summary: getting pregnant with Jax's baby at age 18 wasn't part of the plan. she didn't trust him to be there. would things change or would it always be the same. what happens when Tara returns and Jax must choose. should she leave or stay and feel trapped into playing happy families by an over bearing grandmother. Jax/OC Jax/Tara OC/? PLEASE REVIEW SO I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE LIKING IT!
1. Chapter 1

Looking up from the old beater that i had been under for most part of the day, with the sweat dripping from my face down into my hair this was a fucking hot day. "Hey prospect hand me that wrench other there" i yelled, now willing to get up. Hearing footsteps coming my way i saw a hand with the wrench i wanted come my way. looking up for a second i saw that it was in Jax's hands. smiling up at him for a second "thanks" i said taking it from him and returning

the day had been long and i was not really in the mood for the night ahead. i had been around this garage and these guys since i was a little kid and nothing ever changed. after pulling myself up from that piece of shit car i stepped into Gemma's office and sat down for a few minutes. she was sat at her desk with my daughter in her arms asleep. "shes been asleep for a few hours" she said in a hushed voice. I smiled at Gemma, she always had my back, she was like a second mom, well a mom really, and the first one didnt really works out. I walked over to Gemma and brushed a few strands of the little girls hair out of her face "thanks for watching her today" i said in a hushed tone. Gemma didn't look back at her just at the little girl in her arms. "You know id do anything for my grandbaby"

Those words echoed in my hair for a couple of minuets. That was one of the biggest reasons why i never could leave Charming, Jax, the club and Gemma would never let me be free.

"I'm going to go shower real quick, my babysitter is going to be at my house in a few hours" that night was one of the first fights that she was attending in a long time. Mainly because Jax had asked her to come.

While in the shower my mind drifted back to the easy days where anything and everything was possible, having a good time didn't mean anything, don't get me wrong the party isn't out of this old girl yet. Getting pregnant at 18 wasn't really the plan, well neither was getting pregnant by Jackson Teller either. He never let it go that i didn't want to be with him like that anymore and that he wouldn't let me go. Yeah we still slept together after a drunken night but i tried to avoid awkwardness at much as possible.

The shower felt so good to get all that sweat and grease of from the day. I didn't even hear the knock on the door at first. After a couple of time and me saying ' I'm in here' I heard a voice come from the outside "Jordan you in there? You really should keep this door locked" Jax walked into the bathroom hearing the sound of the water running he paused just by the shower door. Popping my head of the shower door and giving him an annoyed look "can I help you, I'm a little busy". He gave me a smirk and stepped a little more forward. "I can wait, the view aint bad from here darln," remembering that the shower door wasn't really all that concealing I looked down. "What is it, I gotta get home soon" his smile was gone. "So you not coming tonight?" the fight, I know he wanted me to be there, I always used to be there for him, in the last months it had become harder to be around the guys and to be around Jax. "Yeah I'm coming, dropping Sophie off at home with the babysitter and changing." That smile was back; he took a step even closer so his face was close enough to mine that I could finally see him clearly through the steam. "You know I gotta have my lucky charm there, we missed you" I knew what he was getting at, my absence had been noticed and I was already getting the talk from Gemma about it. I was SAMCROW family and I was supposed to show my face. "I know, but it seems you've done just fine before I'm sure you can find another lucky charm in the image of a dirty croweater" I smiled a little watching his face turn sour. "Jealous?" I couldn't stop myself from laughing this time "I would never be jealous of skanks" he laughed too. Pushing him away from me a little "I gotta finish up here, ill be back later. Why don't you go see soph before we leave". I knew Jax had a hard time lately spending time with his daughter since he had his dealings with Wendy and dealing with her almost killing his son. I was a little jealous of his new son. Taking away from my daughter's attention she craved from her father. Bringing me back from my thoughts I felt Jax take my hand in his "why don't you let me finish you off?" he said with a smirk. I just didn't get him sometimes, he knew this wasn't going to work and seeing him every other night with some whore was not going to win my feelings for him, it only pushed me away. "Jax, you know that's not a good idea," I said removing my hand from his shutting the door.

After he left reluctantly, I finished up and got dressed in some cleaner clothes. Walking back out into the bar of the clubhouse I was bobby behind the bar stocking up with half sack. Giving them both a smile and waving "hey guys" bobby smiled back looking over his glasses at me. "Clean up good girl, you coming back for tonight?" "Yeah I'm coming" from the look he gave me I knew he was surprised, he asked me the same question every time there was a party or a fight and I always came up with a reason i couldn't come.

"Well ill see you later" bobby said, I nodded to him and left through the front door.

Heading over back to the office I was Jax was talking to chibs and Opie sitting on the bench. Why could he not be inside with his daughter right now? It frustrated me of his actions. They saw me walking across the lot and smiled, I smiled back and entered the office. Sophie was sitting at the desk almost tall enough to see over it with a coloring book in her hands and some crayons. She was barely two and a half and I felt it was yesterday that I was still pregnant. Gemma was behind her filing some papers. Sophie looked up and saw me enter through the door, she threw down her book and wriggled out of her chair moving towards me with her hands up in the air. Gemma turned around and smiled. "Come give grandma a hug before you leave missy" Sophie turned around and ran back to Gemma grabbing her legs for a second and ran back to me with her arms up again. "Go bye momma" she said with her broken speech she was developing over the last few months. I nodded at her and grabbed her into my arms. Gemma grabbed her things off the floor and putting them in her bag. She walked towards me handing me the bag and got closer, "see you tonight, I'm sick of those sweetbutts all over my boy" Gemma had tried to get us back together since I ended it a year ago. I knew that she would never give up her dream of happy families but I wasn't ready to give up yet. "Ill see you tonight, keep a cold one, or three for me ready" I said with a grin. Gemma knew I liked to party and drink and she knew that I was finally getting back to my old self. "Sure baby"

Walking back through the lot Sophie was walking beside me while I held her bag and grabbed my car keys. Sophie saw Jax across the lot and started to move faster towards him before I could grab her. "Dada, dada" she said as she moved towards him, I tried to grab her hand but she was too fast now running towards him. Jax saw her coming his way; it had been a while since he had seen her. He felt bad about it and knew how Jordan felt about that. He moved off the bench and walked towards the running child, scooping her up in his hands. "Hey baby" he said looking over towards me as the little girl gripped tighter onto his cut hugging him. I couldn't stop myself from smiling at the sight. He smiled back at me; seeing the look in his eyes I knew that he did love her. "You look good all clean" "thanks" was all I said. "Come on baby we got to go home, daddy is busy" I held out my hands to her, I could see her lower lip start to tremble. "No!" she said, I grabbed her out of his hands, she was now crying wanting her father back. Jax felt bad, he knew this was his fault. "Let me put her in the car, I'm not busy right now darling" I gave her back to him and her sobs subsided.

He acted like an expert, strapping her into the car seat and giving her a kiss handing her a doll that was beside her seat. Straightening up and looking back at me I wasn't looking at him. He made a step towards me lifting up my chin to force me to look at him. He was close now; the space between us was gone. He leaned down to me brushing my lips softy and moving towards my ear. "I'm never busy, remember that baby" I didn't stop his actions, something I knew wasn't right but I couldn't stop it anymore. "Ill see you tonight" I said as he backed away from me opening the front door. He nodded to me and I got into the car.

As the car pulled away I could see Gemma watching what had just took place. She was smiling and I knew this was bad. But it felt so good. This was not going to end well.


	2. Chapter 2

The decision of what to wear never occurred to me. Why am I being to weird about this, its not like I've never been to a fight or after party before. Looking in to the mirror with the third outfit of the night and the remains of the others sprawled out on my bed I gave up. In the mirror I saw myself, the girl who always had a good time, the girl who was club family but recently that had seemed to change. Leaving on the low rider jeans and the black tank top and throwing on some heals I felt as ready as ill ever be. My hair was half way down my back letting it go free from the day wrapped up in a ponytail most of the time. Brushing it out of my face and fiddling with some makeup. Was I dressed to causal? Should I go a little sluttier? Well its not like I would stand out in the crowd, I thought laughing to myself.

The babysitter had arrived and Sophie was already sitting on the couch with some toys getting ready to watch her favorite movie. "Look, I'm really not sure what time ill be back tonight, it could be late." The babysitter smiled and nodded "that's no problem, she will be fine." I knew she would be fine, but spending the last few months just her and me I knew that I would miss her as soon as the front door closed behind me. Giving her a kiss on the cheek and silently heading towards the door I looked back at her and the babysitter "ill text you" she just nodded and went back to playing.

The drive wasn't long, only ten minutes down the street. That really wasn't by choice, Jax's house was only a few streets down from me and the others were pretty close too. 'It is for safety' he told me when I had decided that I could no longer stay at Gemma's house.

Parking up I saw that most of the bikes where already there and herd the music playing. 'pregaming' I thought and smiled as I walked into the clubhouse. Every member was there in their cuts with a drink in their hand and a croweater in the other. Jax was not the exception; well the exception was there was no drink. That was the prefight rules.

Glancing over at him as I walked in his face didn't change but he didn't break eye contact. I headed over to the bar where half sac was grabbing beers. "One for me sac" I said over the music, he smiled and handed me a good cold one. Gemma was across the way also had her eyes on me. I nodded to her turning around on my seat to take in the view.

Chibs had a bottle in his hand waiting for his turn for pool while Tig made his shot. Jax and Opie were in the corner talking, a girl on each of them trying to get their attention as much as they could. Clay talking to Piney with a cigar in his mouth and an empty shot glass in front of him.

I turned back to the prospect. "Better make is a shot" his smile got wider and handed me a shot glass and the bottle. Knowing that he was new, everyone else knew what putting the whole bottle in front of me would do. After a couple of shots I felt a hand on my shoulder. "There is plenty of time for that later," Gemma said as she leaned in closer to me, taking a shot herself. She sat on the stool next to me and shot a glance over to where Jax and Opie were sitting. "You ok with that, I know it's been a while" she said in a relatively sincere way. I looked at Jax and then back to her smirking. "I'm not fucking your son, and I have no claim on him." I said turning around eyeing him on the way and taking another shot. Knowing that Jax would see our interaction and my drinking I knew he would be over here. A few minutes later and a few more shots and general talking with Gemma and the prospect I felt someone close behind my back. He leaned in close to my ear "if you keep that up you wont be able to get on the back of my bike" turning around I smiled back at him "and who said I was getting on the back of your bike anyways?" his face changed a little but trying to cover his displeasure. Gemma took her cue and got up and headed over to Clay. Jax took the seat where Gemma had been sitting. Snaking a hand around to the small of my back getting too comfortable for me at this point of the night. "Don't say things you don't mean darin" I laughed a little "I'm sure you could find any girl here to ride bitch with you to the fight" he nodded and looked back over to the girl that was on his lap not to long ago. "True, but that little crow on your shoulder says that's where you belong" having forgot that I was displaying the tattoo tonight and not realizing what it meant to Jax was a problem. Jax was now getting a little more close to my ear again wanting to keep our conversation private. "Are you sure Tara wouldn't mind?" I had to, it just came out. The shots were starting to take affect and that was a problem, no filter. Jax got uncomfortable at the mention of Tara's name and backed off.

"She's not coming tonight." I was shocked by his words, I felt the anger and hurt burn through me as he finished. "Oh I guess ill have to do then is that it?" getting off of stool and taking a step, but feeling the hand on the upper part of my arm stopping me. "It's not like that, she is a friend, and she is taking care of Able at the hospital." Pushing myself away from his grip and taking a few more steps away. I hear the door open and I see Tara walk though. I start to walk away glaring back at Jax.


	3. Chapter 3

After seeing Tara come through the door I walked away towards the other end of the room taking my bottle and shot glass with me. I sat down in a corner booth were some of the guys were located. Happy and Opie sitting close by gave me a nod. There were some hangarounds displaced around some I've never seen before. One guy was tall, blond, muscle; he was close by to the booth that I was sitting in. I looked over at him waving him to come closer. The guy smiled and wandered over to the spot and I patted on for him to take a seat. As soon as the guy took a seat next to my I felt a few sets of eyes burning at me. I didn't look up to see I just turned my head in the direction of the guy. "Wanna shot?" I asked the guy "yeah why not, so what you doing here tonight?" I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. "Just having a drink, you looking to patch?" the guy smiled and moved a little closer pouring the next shot for me. "Maybe, see what these guys are made of." I had to stop myself from laughing; he was entertaining enough for now. I betrayed myself to take one quick glance over to where Jax was sitting. Locking eyes with me but not interrupting the 'deep' conversation that he and Tara were having. I moved the distance between the hot guy and me beside me and gave him a sweet smile. "You wanna come ride with me sometime?" the guy said, he must have been talking this whole time but I only caught the end. I smiled and started to nod at the guy when I felt a hand on my shoulder, Opie was beside me with a grim face. "I don't need to clean blood off the floor tonight, what are you doing." He said in a hushed tone, the hang around just looked back at me not really knowing what was going on or what he or she had done wrong. "I'm just having a good time like everyone else; your skank is getting cold over there." I said, now I knew that the liquor was starting to have an effect, I would never usually talk to Opie like that. Opie looked a little shocked himself, turning to the guy that was next to me "id back off guy, I'm not pulling Jax off you later." He said and wondered back to his seat. I rolled my eyes at him, so dramatic "so where were we" I said with a smile, the guy's face had changed from having a good time to what looked like a little fear. Fuck, why do they always ruin my good time, Jax can do what he wants to whomever he wants and I can't even get a drinking partner without threats of violence. The guy mumbled something about hearing his phone ringing and that he had to go see whom it was.

Sitting there for a few more minutes I got up and wondered to the bathroom, looking into the mirror I booze had gotten to me more than I thought, I was making a scene and I knew it. 'Good' I thought as I adjusted a little of my eyeliner. I heard the door open behind me and a pair of hands that gripped tightly to my hips turning me around fast. The room spun for a couple of seconds and then when everything came into focus I was Jax's angry face. He was close; literally bodies touching pushing me back against the sink. "What the fuck was that about?" he was pissed. "What was what? I was having a drink, what I can't talk to anyone now? I'm glad there is a double standard here." I said trying to release his grip but he only tightened it holding me in place. "You know what you were doing, don't do that again." I was starting to get mad, this is not what I signed up for, how could he act so possessive towards me and be fucking that bitch Tara at the same time. "You seemed preoccupied, why you would even care who I talk to, who I sleep with, it's none of your business." He grunted and pushed me against the sink even harder making me wince a little. "Stop. Please." I said to him, that seemed to break him out of the anger trance that he was in. letting up on the pressure a little but not letting me go yet, he leaned in close to my ear "don't do that again" he said before backing away, but not before brushing my lips with his, a lot more tender than from his previous emotions. Before he could back away more I grabbed him by the cut and pulled him back towards the sink. Pressing my lips to his in a passionate kiss that took him by surprise. He grabbed her lifting her up onto the sink; I was holding on but not breaking the kiss. He wanted to take it further, I wanted him to, I wanted this to work but I knew that this was wrong. It was just the cycle of how it would go. We fight sleep together, have awkward few days, I feel like there might be something, he withdraws, flits with some croweater and I stay at home, alone. As the thoughts were running though my head he was already working on the button of my pants, grabbing his hands I had to stop this. "Jax, what about the fight, where going to be late." "Fuck that, I already got my prize." "Jax come on…" he looked back up to me, confusion him his eyes. "You put on your little show getting me jealous and then you blue ball me?" he said. I couldn't help but smirk a little; he was like a little boy that got his candy taken away. "You know Clay's rules, no sex before a fight." I got off the sink and re-buttoned my jeans before opening the door. As I walked out I looked back at Jax "I'm sure Tara would be able to help you out"

It was time to leave for the fight, it was only about a ten to fifteen minute ride, and I was having second thoughts about what had happened in the bathroom. When I came back out I had noticed that Tara had already left and that many of the others where preparing with whoever was going to ride bitch. Jax had taken his seat back up at the bar and was eyeing me as I was standing over by Tig listening to the betting odds. Jax knew I wasn't going to come over to him after what had happened, he knew that Tara bothered me but I didn't know if he even cared. He decided to make the first move and walk over to where some of the guys and I were standing. He stood next to me, not too close but close enough. "We heading out?" he said signaling that it was time to go. Everyone nodded and started out the door to the line of bikes that were parked outside. I wondered out just behind Juice

Eyeing the bikes, should I push my luck even more? I started to wonder over to be juice's bike was, he must have seen me behind him because he stopped and turned to me. "Don't even think about putting me in this shit" he said and I laughed. I knew Juice didn't want any of that anger Jax already had. I felt Jax behind me bringing a hand to rest on the small of my back. "Behave" was all he said knowing that I was just putting more fuel in the fire I gave up and walked to Jax's bike not saying a word. I watched him climb on first, he handed me a helmet and I got on the back, securing the helmet and myself. I placed my hands on his sides of his waist. Starting up the engine he snaked his hands around mine and pulled them around his body forcing me to scoot closer, I gave up for the night and just rested my head on his shoulder. I already felt like I've fought a battle tonight, but the night had only just started.


	4. Chapter 4

With that being one of the longest rides of my life, I could feel my body getting stiffer as we reached our destination. Tonight we were using Caracara for the location of the fight and after party. There was a ring already set up and I could hear the music playing from the outside. I got off the bike first as Jax and everyone else followed inside. The entourage split up into different directions and made their way for a drink or a piece of pussy that was walking around. Jax had not made a move towards me or said a word since we left the clubhouse. I saw him standing next to the ring with Bobby and Chibs probably talking about the fight that was about to start in a while. First up was half sac, he would be kicking some ass tonight. He was ex military and always brought money back to the club after a fight. I searched around the room for someone familiar enough to condensate with. Cherry was sitting over by some of the girls around by the beer and chatting away. She hadn't been around this charter long but she had already caught the eye of Half Sac and it was actually cute to see them together. Staying where I was for the moment my eyes wondered back to where Jax was. It seemed that I always found myself getting self conscious at these things, especially after the baby. It wasn't like I didn't get my body back pretty quick, but that I had more clothing on that probably the whole room at this point.

Jax found my eyes on him and smirked, Ima had came over to wish him good luck and probably more as she was whispering in his ear something and he laughed still looking at me. I didn't smile back; I turned my back around to grab a beer from one of the girls that was manning the keg. She smiled at me and I said 'thanks' taking a large drink. Looking back around I saw Jax still looking over at me, Ima was walking away with that smile now gone from her face and Jax was waving for me to come over to them. I sighed and took another long drink from the cold beer in my hand and wondered over to where the guys were standing. "Hey guys, this thing going to start yet or not?" I asked with a sarcastic tone that I knew they loved. Chibs laughed and put an arm around me "waiting for the other guy to show, Sac is ready alright love." I smiled up at him grabbing his hand from around my shoulders and snuggling into his side. Chibs had been like the cool uncle I never had, he was a drinking buddy and a good person to tell your secrets to. Jax knew that our relationship was harmless but he still had a dark expression on his face anytime anyone put their hands on me. "You going to stand ring side tonight, or hide in the corner with a beer?" he said giving me a little attitude. I laughed a little at him "no I think I'll stay right here, the smell of stale pussy is too strong over there, and I need some ventilation." The guys laughed and Chibs let go of my seeing something he liked from out of the corner of his eye. "Speaking of pussy I'll be right back." He said and stalked away leaving me with Jax and Bobby. Bobby looked at both of us and started messing around with some of the ring ropes tightening them, looking busy. Jax came closer to me and put his arm around me in a possessive way, closing in on me. "I'm glad you came, I need my lucky charm tonight." I smiled and he smiled back at me.

I could see Gemma out of the corner of my eye with some of the other more respectable women around talking but watching us like a hawk. I smiled over at her and she gave me a smile back while Jax started talking to Bobby about some run they were going on in a few days. His arm was draped around me not in a harsh way but not in a way that he was going to be letting go soon.

We had been standing in the same hold for about 10 minutes now and I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I leaned over to Jax's ear "I gotta get this." I said grabbing my phone out seeing that it was the babysitter. Jax released me and as I put the phone to my ear walking outside of the building to where I could hear better. "Hello?" I said "oh hey just called to let you know I heard some noises outside a while ago, must have been the neighbors dog or something, but everything's good now." My eyebrows furrowed. "What kind of noise, was it outside? Was it a person or people?" the questions kept spilling out from me. I hadn't left Sophie in a long time. "No its ok it was nothing, I'll let you know if I hear it again ok?" she said. Why did she call me if it was nothing? I thought to myself, she was a good babysitter but I was a very nervous mother. "Should I come home?" I said wishing that she would say yes so I had an out for the night. "Oh no stay out and enjoy yourself, you deserve it" "ok ill check back with you in a little while, ok?" "Yeah no problem, bye" I hung up the phone and walked back into the building.

Half Sac was already in the ring, the fight had started and I wondered back to Jax and the guys. The phone call had gotten me worried and I couldn't really shake the feeling. When I got back to Jax I instinctively took his hand, he looked surprised "everything ok?" he said with a genuine look of interest. "I'm not sure." I said giving myself away to him a little. With a knowing look he held my hand tighter and pulled me away from the ring and the crowed. "What's wrong?" he said. "The babysitter called, she said she heard a noise outside, she said it was nothing to worry about, but why would she have called if it wasn't something?" I said the worry on my face now visible. "Do you wanna go, we could go check?" I knew that he was trying; he had been so distant from everything for a long time now. "You have a fight, it's important to the club for you to be here." "My kid is important too." The comment almost sent me over the edge, why now. I released my hand from his and took a step back. "So know you think she's important?" I couldn't help myself; this had been coming for a while now. Jax didn't like this kind of confrontation and knew where it was going. "Don't start this shit with me now. This isn't the place." I started to feel the anger come rushing back from earlier when I saw Tara. "Then when Jax? When you're shacked up with Tara and Able playing happy families and I'm just the girl you knocked up by accident?" He didn't say anything but taking a step towards me. "Either we go to your house and check things out or we stay here, choose." Was all he said changing the subject and taking my hand back in his. "stay." Was all I was able to get out? This is what happened every time this subject came up. He would quickly shut it down and change subjects. He pulled me towards him "I don't belong to you Jackson, let me go" I said not looking at him this time. He started to pull me back inside the building back to where the club was standing. "Not going to happen" he said as he grazed the tattoo on my shoulder. "I will do what I want, I don't care what you want, and it's not up to you anymore." I said pulling my hand from his. He let it go without the showdown this time and let me wonder over to where Gemma and some of the others were sitting.

"Hey baby, watching the fight?" Gemma looked up at me with a smile. "Why not go stand with Jax, he needs his support team" she grinned; I knew she had been watching us all night and out interactions. It's more than usual and she had looked delighted. "Not in the mood Gem" I said sitting down next to her as another woman moved to make space for me. "What's wrong baby? Didn't look like you guys were having a problem" she said turning her attention to me and handing me a beer that another girl had brought over. Looking over to Jax, he had in the few minutes that I left was now fully surrounded by crow eaters and didn't even badly an eyelid over to me. "No problem" I said as I eyed the guy over the corner that I had spoken to earlier that night at the clubhouse. "Nothing that can't be fixed" I said as I downed the last bit of the beer and got back up making my way over to the guy.


	5. Chapter 5

Making a quick stop by the keg I freshened up my beer and grabbed one more. The guy was talking so someone else I've never seen before but I didn't care and walked right up to them. "Thought you looked thirsty from over there." I nodded my head to the direction to the other women. "Thanks didn't think I'd see you again tonight." I smiled back at him and moved a little closer. "I guess I couldn't resist another chat. What's your name by the way?" maybe I should get a name, which might be helpful later. "I'm Joe, I'm glad you came over here." I smiled. "So what brings you to a MC gathering? You wanna prospect or something?" Joe laughed at the question, I thought that was odd. "No little girl, just doing a little business with them that's all. What about you? You don't really blend in around here." He was right; I never really thought I belonged. "I Jordan, work at TM in the shop." That's all that he needed, or was going to know. "Oh a girl who likes to get her hands dirty, I like that. So what was with the hostility with me talking to you at the clubhouse?" my smile was lost, I didn't really want to get into that or ruin the conversation but I knew it was going to come up at some point. "I'm like their little sister I guess, just a little overprotective." Well it was somewhat true. I turned to I was now leaning against the wall were Joe was leaning against. I spotted Jax at the other end of the room getting ready for his fight not really noticing me in the corner with Joe. Good. But what I didn't notice was Tig and Juice had noticed and didn't look happy. I moved my hand over the soft leather of Joe's jacket on his arm "that's nice, it's so soft." I said moving in a little more whispering into his ear something that he burst out laughing at. The fight had started and Jax seemed not to even notice my disappearance at the side of the ring. I was busy. Joe seemed like a good candidate to show Jax what I was free and clear. He stepped inside the ring, with the other guy approaching him; Jax had a smirk on his face before the first blow was taken. I couldn't help but watch, I could feel Joe's hand circling around my waist and fingers brimming the bottom of my shirt. Letting his hands wander more it felt good, that old feeling of myself was coming to the surface and I enjoyed it. Looking onward to the fight, Jax had gotten a few good blows to the guy, he was bleeding just a little from his brow but it was nothing.

Joe had now moved up past my shirt from the back to circling his fingers at the small of my back, I was a little glad that we were turned so my back was facing the wall. He slowly moved his head down beside mine and coming close to my ear, I could feel is breath on my bare skin. He started to lay small kisses up the side of my neck as I tilted a little more to give him greater access. Closing my eyes just for a moment before I heard some noise from the crowd in front of us. I looked up at the ring, the opponent was not on the floor and Jax was standing in the middle of the ring glaring down at me from across the room. The anger on his face was evident and I didn't know if I should move or let Joe continue since he didn't see what I was seeing? At that point in the night and the amount of alcohol that was in my system I didn't give a fuck. I grabbed Joe's face in my hands and brought it up to my lips bringing it down into a passionate kiss.

Immediately regretting it I felt him get pulled away so fast that I didn't even hear Tig or Juice approach us. "What the fuck man. Get your own" was all that Joe said before Tig hit him in the face. "Trust me man we are doing you a favor. Now get the fuck out." Tig had his hands on the man and was dragging him to the exit and threw him out of the door with the help of juice at his side opening the door. Both men then exited shutting the door behind them. Opie came up next to me giving me a dirty look. "If you don't want to be a crow eater then stop acting like one" was all he said and walked away. I looked back up to the ring, Jax was no longer there and neither was Chibs. I threw the empty cup on the ground and started towards the door. Gemma intersected me stepping in front of me. "Are you ok, was that guy taking advantage of you baby." She said with a look of concern on her face. "No! I was taking advantage of him." I shouted at moved around her. Heading towards the door and opening it I could hear sounds that I knew. I walked around the back of the building to where I heard the noises coming from. Lying on the ground was Joe, it looked like he had a busted nose, jaw, and from what I could see he was clutching his ribs. Chibs and Tig were about to grab him off of the ground again for another round. I started to walk a little faster towards them as Jax grabbed me and held me back. "I told you to behave." He said in a hushed tone. I couldn't even bare to look at him, this was my fault and Joe didn't even know what he was getting into. I wiggled my way out of Jax's hold and ran towards the guys "stop! He didn't know. Leave him, I think you've don't enough damage." Chibs let go, letting him slide to the floor slowly while Tig still had a hold. "I know this was you, just sending a message is all." Tig gave him another punch to the temple and he was out, sluggish on the floor.

This was more than I could endure. I felt a small tear escape my eye, I never cried but this was too much. I turned my body away from the guys and started to walk back to the building. I didn't know what to think or do at this point. My mind was drifting back to the memories of when things were good, there was no drama, when I was free.

Jax had caught up to me since I wasn't really walking fast and grabbed my hand. I let him; I didn't really feel much right now. "I don't want you to do that again. We had an agreement. I said we are not going to be together, but I want you present in our child's life. Not this Jax, I don't want this." I said not able to look into his eyes, I had stopped walking and the tears had started to flow a little faster. "Then why are you so jealous of any girl I'm with if you don't want this." He softly gripped my chin and lifted it up forcing me to look at him. I didn't say anything because I didn't know. I didn't know what my feelings were. I loved the club and the people in it, but being an old lady and being forced to be something I was not was not going to work. "I'm not." I said with a sheepish look on my face. This brought a small smile to Jax's face, he knew me too well. I didn't want to give in to him tonight, not after just what happened. Whenever I see how these guys can really be it sends a shiver up my spine to think about it. "You know how I feel Jax, I can't be with you and you won't let me be with anyone else. But I can't see you with anyone else either." He brought me into a hug "I don't want to let you go, I want to give this a chance". I just buried my face into his chest. He was still sans a shirt since his fight and I was fighting myself from liking it.

Please Review, I'm kinda on a roll tonight. I might post some more chapters after this. Let me know if you like where it's going.


	6. Chapter 6

Most of the crowd had disbanded and were starting to head back to the clubhouse to keep the party going. I wasn't sure if going back there was such a good idea. I checked my phone and didn't see any messages; I felt a little better at that. Jax walked me back inside clutching onto my hand. I didn't want him to ever let go; the stunt I had pulled earlier finally got a little emotion out of him.

"You comin back?" he said looking over to me from the crowd of the guys that were congratulating him on the fight tonight. I didn't know, was it a good idea, I knew where this would end up. "Why don't you come back with me instead, I gotta let my poor babysitter go," I said maybe that would work better. He arched his eyebrow at me intrigued at the question. He hadn't been in my new apartment before, mainly because he wasn't invited. When we lived together for a short time while I was pregnant I felt that I needed my own space and not wonder when he would be coming home or if he would come home every night. He pulled me closer, "yeah, you ready?" I nodded at his question. "Give me a moment let me go talk to the guys real quick." I nodded again and he let go of my hand.

Tig was wondering over to where I was standing, I really wasn't in the mood to talk to him right now. "You good?" he said coming just a little close into my personal space than I wanted. "I guess, never a good night without some blood on your hands." He laughed. "That's something Happy would say, besides there is no blood on your hands little girl." I wasn't so sure about that, there was no blood but it was there. My own personal gain brought pain to a man that I didn't know just to get a rise out of Jax tonight and it sickened me. Is this the game that we are going to keep playing? My thoughts were broken when Jax came strolling back over to me slinging an arm around my shoulders, he smiled at Tig. "Everything good?" he said still with the smile on his face. "Yeah great man got my eye on that little thing over there. You guys coming back to the clubhouse?" "No man we are heading back to her house, I gotta give the babysitter a rest." He smiled down at me and started to move towards the outside where his bike was. As I was about to get onto the back I turned to him "what about my car? It's at the garage" he got on the bike "we can get it tomorrow. Or have a prospect bring it" I nodded and we took off down that long strip of road.

Arriving at the apartment I could see that there was still lights on. Getting off the bike Jax followed me up the stairs. "Why did you choose an apartment on the fourth floor with no elevator?" he said with a laugh. "Because it's what I could afford," I stated not really embellishing. "You know I can give you money, take care of things." He said as we climbed the stairs. "I don't want your money Jax; we have already had this conversation before. I'm good I don't need a handout." Jax furrowed his brow at this, "it's not a handout, and it's to take care of our daughter." The conversation stopped when we got to my door. Grabbing out my keys I let us in, it was a small apartment two bedrooms two bathrooms. I liked to keep it clean but these days it was becoming harder. I walked into the living room finding the babysitter on the couch with some of her textbooks for school. "Oh your back, I thought you would be a while." She said not really hearing them come in. she saw Jax behind me but didn't really react. She knew a little bit about him just not a lot, mostly from what she had heard about town about samcrow and the guys, she nodded in his direction. "How was she? Did she go down ok, I know she isn't the easiest." I said with a smile. The babysitter was grabbing her books and her backpack from the couch and grabbing her coat. "She was great, little princess." I laughed at that. "Thanks." I said while grabbing out my wallet, Jax was starting to walk closer now grabbing out a wad of cash from his pocket. "No I got this, I kept her out late." He smiled at her. I didn't like it but I decided not to say anything till she was gone. The babysitter took the money, a lot more than I usually pay her and smiled thanked us and left quietly. Jax took a seat on the couch, "it's not a bad place, and you made it nice." "Thanks" I said as I sat on the couch beside him. This was kinda getting awkward now; we haven't really been in a room alone just talking for a long time. I really didn't even know what to say, so many things had happened tonight that anything could be said. He moved me closer to him grabbing me around my waist.

"So what was tonight all about? You don't hang around the clubhouse or parties anymore and the first night you do you pull that?" he said I could feel his hand tighten just a little around me. "I'm not sure, I don't want to be labeled yours Jax, I want to be my own person, you know this I told you I don't want to be an old lady." Jax sighed, "I know that, you have been around the club for so long and after the baby I just thought you might get go of those thoughts a little. Maybe be a family, I got Able now too and he needs a mother when he comes out of the hospital. You know I can't do it alone." Able, the baby lying in the hospital right now from that crack whore Jax had run off with after I had told him I was pregnant then he got her pregnant too. "What about Tara, you seeing her again?" I asked holding my breath a little. He sighed again and waited a little to answer, trying to work it out in his mind. "She just appeared back, I'm not really sure what to think about her. She is taking care of my son right now in the hospital and she had a problem she asked me to help her with." I didn't really like where this was going. "Needed your help? What did she need your help with, Jax? Getting her panties off?" I was getting a little more aggressive with my words than I should have. "Have you slept with her?" I looked back at him, he didn't meet my eyes. "Yes". At that I started to move away from him on the couch and got up. "I'm going to go check on Soph." I said leaving the room, the second time tonight that I let a tear get away from me. I was not this soft, what was wrong with me. I entered my babies room, I could see the nightlight circling around and a little of the music still playing. I headed over to the crib, admiring her sleep. She had his nose, our eyes and our blond hair. She couldn't be dined that she was his kid, beautiful. I felt his arms around me again. He had entered the room without me noticing, watching me for a while. "That beautiful girl was never a mistake." He said as he kissed the back of my neck. I leaned back into him, pressing my back against his and my butt into his pants. It seemed that I could never get away from that Teller charm. I was giving in, just looking down at my baby and feeling him around me was my safe place. Nothing could touch us, well nothing until in the morning at least.


	7. Chapter 7

**thanks for all the great reviews, I'll keep updating as much as possible. keep the reviews flowing it gives me the ideas and the drive to keep the story going. **

Waking up the next morning I could hear water running and a faint crying, Sophie is up I thought and smiled a little bit, my thoughts drifting back to last night and the thought of Jax in the shower. I dragged myself out of bed and put on the t shirt that was lying on the floor next to me. Yawning and stretching a little I headed towards Sophie's room, she was standing up grabbing onto the side of her crib whimpering. I smiled at her and she stopped and reached her arms up to me. I heard the water stop and a couple of minutes later the door opened and Jax walked out in a towel. He looked over to the open door of Sophie's room and headed to our direction. "You guys finally up?" I laughed. "Your never up before me, I'll give you this one time." he smirked at the thought at why I was so tired. He reached for Sophie out of my arms and she gladly put out her hands for the transaction. Taking his daughter in his arms made me feel a little unsure if this was just a one off or it was going to continue. Could I go through another few weeks or months of silence and general conversation? He broke my train of thought by placing a kiss on the side of my temple. "You go shower, ill feed her breakfast, gotta get to work soon." yeah work, that should be fun. I gotta finish off that pile of junk today and get started on a shadow that came in, oh yeah and the stares and jabs I'll be getting from the guys all day for the crazy that hit me last night. I just nodded and walked past them into the bathroom and showered.

Work was just another day. Jax had left before me on his bike and I had followed a few minutes later with Sophie in the back. Today was the first day that I was dropping her off at daycare. Gemma was not sold on the idea and said we should take care of our own, not pay someone else to do it. I didn't want my kid hanging around the garage all day, she needed to interact with other kids, be normal. I garage had been busy for the last few weeks and the office was worse. I myself was a little apprehensive about daycare too, but I didn't want her to know that. Jax didn't really seem to have an opinion; he just nodded and said "whatever you think is best." Like usual.

Dropping her off was a hard experience, but she didn't really seem to care either. I was secretly hoping that she would cling onto my leg and not let go, crying for me not to leave her. As soon as she saw the play area and what the other kids were doing she ran off to investigate. She was an independent little spirit when she wanted to be and a cuddle bugs others.

Parking my car at Teller-morrow I could see that some of the guys were just hanging around the front on the benches smoking their cigarettes and taunting each other about god knows what. Getting out of the car I spotted Jax heading out of the office and Gemma trailing behind him. Making my way over to the guys and avoiding the contact with Gemma as much as possible I heard only the last part of Tig's story about the crow eater that he was with last night. "Really guys, isn't it a little early." I said taking a seat on the pick nick table top and pulling out my own cigarette. Tig turned to me with a wide smile on his face, "oh baby you've heard nothing yet, that was just a warm up." I had to laugh. These days I knew what I was going to get when I entered the garage, especially after a party. These guys got more pussy than a gyno. Jax headed over to the rest of us sitting next to me and taking the cigarette out of my hand and taking a drag. "morning." Was all he said and started laughing at the conversations that were going on around us.

Gemma was still standing outside of the office watching all of us. She didn't look like she was in a good mood this morning and that would affect all of us at some point today. If Gemma wasn't happy, no one was. I took the cigarette back from Jax and took a couple more drags before putting it out. "What's with your mom today, if looks could kill…" I stated getting Jax's attention pretty quick with his eyes glancing from me to Gemma. "She's not happy about the daycare thing. She'll get over it." It angered me a little that she always pushed for her way, this time it wasn't going to work. "She's happy there; she didn't even bat an eyelid when I dropped her off, besides its none of her business." Jax smiled a little, moving closer to me without the guys noticing. "Was she really? I'm sorry I missed it, I should have come with you." His voice had an honest tone and kind of took me off guard. "It's fine, there will be other days." I stated and hopped off the table as everyone else was starting on their projects for the day I headed in the same direction. Jax quickly grabbed my arm and pulled me back a little towards him. "I'm going to go see Able later today, I was wondering if you wanted to come too?" I was silent for a few moments, not really ready to answer that. "I…umm…let me think about it ok?" was all I could muster. He nodded, not letting me go just yet and pulled me towards him. "Jax, I gotta get to work…and your mom is still staring." He didn't listen and pulled me to him closer. I could smell the cigarette we shared, his leather cut and my body soap all at once. He captured my lips to his, smooth and soft for not more than a couple of seconds and then let me go, walking away.

All day I couldn't stop thinking about Jax's question. Did I want to see Able? Could I without feeling so much resentment for the tiny baby? All the questions ran through my mind as a rolled back and forth on the scooter around the cars and bikes that I worked quickly through for the last few hours. Half sac had come over a few times handing me tools and chatting about his girl Cherry. I didn't really hear any of it and just nodded and said a few yeahs back to him. He finally realized that I wasn't interested and walked away to help Opie with a tow. Jax had come by a couple of times too; the shop was pretty busy so there wasn't really much time to delve into full conversation with him today. I felt like I was in my own world when I felt a hand grab into my foot, taking me off guard a little I rolled out from under the Chevy to who was interrupting me. Gemma.

"Hey Gem, you need something?" I asked putting a smile on my face. Her face didn't change "office." Was all she said and walked away? I was confused and rolled all the way out and got up. I cleaned off my hands on a rag and started to walk towards the office door, I looked back and Jax had seen the display. He raised his eyebrows in a confused expression and I just shrugged my shoulders at him and entered the office. Gemma was at her desk just finishing up some paperwork for the day. She didn't look up but gestured with a hand to take a seat. "What is it Gemma, I gotta finish up the Chevy in an hour." She stopped writing and looked over at me. "So…you going to go see Able with Jax today?" how did she know that Jax had asked me that earlier? Who am I kidding this woman knows everything. Maybe he told her when they were having their little exchange this morning when I arrived. "I don't know yet, I haven't decided." She nodded. She understood my thoughts on the matter. "I think it would be a good thing for you to go, Jax needs you right now, you both seem to be getting along better." Things had started to go in the right direction but I still didn't know if that was the direction that I wanted to keep going. Able was not my son, his crack whore of a mother was long gone and Jax didn't know the first thing about being a full-time dad. What did she expect me to pick up where she left off and be his mom? "Like I said I haven't decided." She nodded to me. "So how was my baby this morning? Jax said you dropped her off at daycare." I smiled to her, she didn't seem like she was going to fight the subject today. "She was great, didn't really care much when I left her to play. She liked the toys and the kids." Gemma Smiled. "That's good, you know my feelings about daycare, but it's your decision." This really took me off guard; Gemma never admitted that my way was right. Well she really wasn't admitting it but I still felt a small victory.

That was kinda the end of the conversation and I took my queue to leave or escape both worked for me. I walked back on the shop floor, Jax immediately walked up to me "so, what did she want." He asked awaiting my answer. "It was fine, just girl talk." He smirked and I think I almost saw relief take over his body and relax.

Finished with my projects for the day I was sitting next to juice on the benches smoking. He was retelling me the tale of the piece of pussy he got last night and his exploits. Some of it I really didn't need to know but I knew he enjoyed retelling it. Jax and Chibs wondered up to us taking a seat also listening to the end and laughing at. Jax looked over me "so you decide yet?" I knew what he was asking me, I was even a little surprised that he was asking me in front of the other guys. I looked back at him, staying silent for a moment. "Yeah I guess." He smiled at me; I didn't smile back and took another drag of the cigarette in my hand.


	8. Chapter 8

I had decided to take my own car this time, not that I didn't like the bike but I wanted my car in case I needed a quick escape. In the car on the way to the hospital I was chain smoking the whole way listening to some lynyrd skynyrd's Simple Man and watching Jax from my rear view mirror. This was not how I saw this day going. It's not that I hated the baby; I hated the situation and the awkwardness of it all.

Parking up, watching Jax Park next to me and stretch as he got off his bike and opened my car door for me. "You ready?" he said smiling; I knew that he was happy that I agreed to come with him. All I could do was nod and follow him in.

I hated hospitals, there was usually never a good reason to be entering a hospital. The smell by its self was enough to put anyone off, so cold and sterile. We had gone upstairs to the 3 floor, the infant floor. This floor was only a little better than the first only because you could hear the sounds of babies and joyful parents all around, there also seemed to have a little more color around. Jax had taken my hand in his and guided me to Abel's room. We got some glances from the passing nurses as Jax closed the door behind us. I knew that look, mostly it was from the girls at the clubhouse but these bitches had their own level of snootiness.

Jax lead me to the little incubator that was sitting in the middle of the room. There were different cords, tubes and machines all over. I felt my heart smelt a little as I saw this helpless baby in front of me. Jax was standing on the other side switching gaze from Abel to me. I could see that he was trying to gauge my reaction. "So...this is Abel." he said tentatively. I looked up at him and smiled then back down at the baby "hi Abel. So I guess there is no denying has yours then. Those eyes." I said keeping my own blue eyes on the baby and trying not to look to see his reaction. "You know it Darlin." I took a nearby seat and scooted it closer. "So when is he out of here?" Jax moved around a little "I'm not sure yet, going to get a better answer from Tara when she comes in with the update." that statement took me completely off guard. Why would he invite me here and knew that Tara was going to be making an appearance. The look on my face told him everything in seconds; he was around the other side to me and put a hand on my shoulder stopping me from exiting the room. "She's his doctor, it's her job and she's doing pretty good at it." I looked up at him my face set, showing no emotion. "I bet she is."

Just as the last sound of my statement left my mouth she entered the room. I stood from my seat and over towards Abel. Jax walked towards her, it was like he was shielding me from Tara's view. "So what's the results, when can I take him home doc." she smiled at him and talked kinda fast, I wasn't really paying attention and just playing with Abel's small hands. I could feel Tara's gaze on me a couple of times. I looked back at her the third time she did it and locked on to her eyes. "You know Jax really its only family that is allowed in the room." she said with a straight face but telling eyes. "Tara..." was all that Jax could get out of his mouth as I took a step forward. He didn't really know what to do, or what I would do. "Its fine Jax, I was just leaving anyway." I said as I made my way towards the door. The shocked expression on Jax's face was priceless. What was he expecting me to do? Slap a bitch in the middle of a baby's hospital room. She really wasn't worth it. Jax had moved closer to me as I was walking towards the door. "You don't have to leave." I stopped and looked up at him and then at his hand on my arm. "I think it's a good idea, I don't want to get in the way of this reunion." was all I said, removing his hand from me and proceeded towards the door.

Getting back to my car I just sat in the driver's seat for a while processing. Why did he ask me to do that when he knew the outcome? Did he want me to start shit with her in there? Did he want me to fight for his attention? I don't think so; this is not how it was going to work. I put on my seat belt, lit a cigarette and pulled out of the parking spot. I decided that it might be a good idea to head over to Cara Cara. Luanne had always tried to get me on her payroll. For years now ever since I turned 18 she had slipped it into conversation a few times. Jax was never pleased when she would mention coming to work for her and I just laughed it off but the bills were starting to get harder and harder to keep up to, as well as the new daycare program. Handouts were not an option for me. Gemma, Jax and Clay were always trying to sneak money to me one way or another. Gemma would come by with new baby clothes, diapers. Clay would just add some extra cushion to my paycheck, and Jax would try to all out hand me cash or leave it in my wallet like I wouldn't notice.

I pulled into Cara Cara, the parking lot didn't seem to full. Maybe they were on break. I parked and made my way into the building. The noises were not much of a shock to me. I've been to plenty of parties to celebrate new releases plenty of times. Luanne does good work. I saw her running around with her high heels primping one of the girls before she slapped her ass and walked to the set. She turned to look over to the opened door and saw me. "Hey baby, you finally came."


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry for the short chapter, deciding where im going with this. plus a little more insight to the character and her background.

Ch. 9

I wondered towards Luann smiling at her. "I guess I'm running out of options, and I guess I should learn the family business eventually." I said giving her a small hug, she tried to get a bigger one out of me but that wasn't going to work. I and my mother, who I don't call mother really anymore, have had a distant relationship for the better part of five years. She didn't appreciate my deep involvement with the club, even though the sons owned a part of the business now. I didn't appreciate her kicking me out at 18 and her recreational drug use. So our relationship was what you and I would call strained.

"Come into the office, did you bring Sophie with you?" Luann hadn't seen Sophie for a while now and that really didn't bother me. "She's at daycare" I followed her into the office and took a seat across from her desk and her sitting behind it. "So why are you really here Jordan? I thought you didn't want any part of this lifestyle?" she said trying to read my face. "Things have changed; I need more money coming in." Luann knew that look on my face; she had been through similar stuff after my dad went to jail.

"What's your schedule like at TM? Can you do both? You going to let the guys know? Let Jax know?" she was bombarding me with questions. Some of the questions I didn't want to get into right now. "I'm open Tuesday, Thursdays. Some weekends if I'd have to." Luann nodded. "Ok that's good for right now, come in tomorrow around 10, but to warn you some of the guys are here for security." I understood her tone, she didn't want problems. "Ill see you tomorrow." I got out of the seat and left. I was going to do this, what else do I have?


	10. Chapter 10

The rest of the day was a blur. I had picked up Sophie from daycare and we had gone to the grocery store to pick up some dinner. I had been getting some texts but had refrained from looking at them till I got home. Sophie was enjoying picking out a little coloring book for herself since she had done really well at daycare the last few days.

Getting home I pulled out the groceries from the car and let Sophie walk up the stars holding onto the rail by her. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and tried to pry it out while holding the bags. It was Opie; I was a little surprised that it was him calling me and not Jax. I opened my front door, let Sophie in and grabbed the bags setting them down on the kitchen table and grabbed the phone just in time before it went to voice mail. "Hey what's up" I said a little out of breath. "Hey, just seeing if your coming out tonight?" my smile left my face. "Coming out to where?" I hadn't been aware that there were any Sons functions this evening. His voice got a little lower "it's just a thing, its fine if you can't be there…" his words trailed off, I didn't really know what he was talking about or why he was even calling me about it. Jax or Gemma usually let me know about those things. "What is it you're not telling me Op?" I said trying to pry it out of him. He was silent for a long time, maybe organizing his thoughts to give me an answer. "I think you should come tonight, at the clubhouse 10pm." Now I was even more confused. "Sorry Op I can't come out and play tonight, no babysitter and I got somewhere to be tomorrow." I could hear a sigh into the phone from Opie. "Ok…but if you change your mind, let one of us knows…OK?" "Yeah sure, I'll talk to you later; I gotta put this food away." And he hung up the phone. That was kinda weird, Opie was usually more playful but this time he was kinda cryptic with his tone.

I made good old Mac and cheese that night for us, now sitting on the couch putting on a Disney movie so Sophie would fall asleep soon I realized that I hadn't heard my phone in a while and grabbed it out of my purse, where I had put it after the weird call from Op earlier. There were a few texts from Gemma, Luann and one from Jax. The one from Jax I had to read a couple of times to understand what he was trying to say. It didn't make sense at all, maybe if I call him, see what's up. I dialed his number and waited for him to pick up. After the third ring, there was a muffled sound on the end a couple of voices in the background…a woman's voice, a voice that I recognized. "Hello…" he said with a groggy voice into the phone. That was not what I was expecting; I was taken off guard and couldn't speak. "Hello?" he said again. "Who is it?" I heard in the background. Before I could respond or he could say another word I hung up the phone. Why was he with her again?

I decided after Sophie had gone to sleep I was going to drown my sorrows a little bit. Reaching up to a tall shelf in the kitchen I grabbed down my jack that I had been saving for a while. I didn't bother with a cup and sat back down on the couch, lighting up a cigarette ready to watch some bad TV for the night.

About an hour later and a quarter of the bottle gone I heard a knock on the door. I decided to ignore it until they kept on knocking. Placing the bottle back on the coffee table and putting out the joint that I had just finished a few minutes ago I headed towards the door. Looking through the peep hole for a second making sure it wasn't some crazy person I saw it was Opie. What the fuck was he doing here? I wondered and cracked open the door. "And what do I owe this pleasure?" I said only peaking me head out a little. Opie smiled a little at me and started to move towards the door pushing it open. "Came by to make sure everything's good." I sighed. "What do you mean Op? You have been weird all day. Do you really have to come all the way in?" I said not wanting him to see my pit of despair that was the couch with my bottle standing there in its glory. He saw it right away and took a seat in front of it on the couch right in my spot. I walked around to where he had gone and sat down next to him. He didn't say anything for a while and just looked down at the bottle. "You going to finish that tonight?" he said, I wasn't sure how far I was going to go and it was really none of his business. "Not sure yet, go for it if you want." He nodded and grabbed the bottle and took a couple of shots out of the neck and handed it over to me. I decided to keep up with him and took a couple ourselves. "So you just came here to check up on me?"

I was interested in why he was here. "Yeah, I know what happened earlier and that you went to see your mom today." I was kinda shocked, "are you following me or something?" I wouldn't have been surprised if someone had been. "You know people talk, especially about club issues." Club issues? I was an issue now? I turned around on the couch and looked at Opie; he was still staring out towards the TV. "Its none of you guys business what I do outside of work, I don't understand why that would be an issue." He turned around to face me also. "You know what would happen, if Jax knew his baby mamma was stripping in front of a camera." That made me angry, he didn't control me. "Fuck Jax, has off fucking Tara anyway. I have nothing left for him. Anyway who said I was taking anything off?" Opie looked at me surprised he really didn't understand mine and Jax's relationship but tonight hurt. He took another couple of swigs from the bottle and set it down, I had also grabbed for it before he was placing it down and grabbed his hand too. He looked back at me and handed the bottle back. "I know your hurt, but that isn't going to fix things." I know he was right, his old man had tried to find that happiness at the bottom of a bottle for years now and he still hasn't found it. "At this point I don't care." I put the bottle back on the coffee table and leaned back running my hand across Opie's leg, I felt his body stiffen. "Don't" he said looking down at my hand where I had kept it in place. "Or what?"


	11. Chapter 11

**just a little tease for you guys. Loved all the reviews, keeps this story going and inspires me. **

I was not going to back down from this, I needed this. I know Opie probably was not the best choice but at this point he was a man sitting on my couch and I had ingested a large amount of Jack in a short amount of time. His hand was now on mine, not moving and making sure that I didn't move my hand anymore close to his area. "I don't think this is a good idea." Opie said as he broke the silence between us. I knew he was going to say that. I decided it was going to be me that made the move. I moved my hand a little more up and down and moved closer to him on the couch. He didn't move a muscle or say anything at this point. He grabbed the remote from the side of him and turned up the volume on the TV a little more. I furrowed my eyebrows at him a little, he smirked still looking forward. I was close as I could get to him there was nowhere either of us could go. I reached my other hand around the side of his face to make him look at me. His eyes seemed to pierce straight though mine. In one swift movement he grabbed one of my legs pulling me up on top of him. The sudden movement made my vision a little fuzzy and I readjusted myself on top of him with both my legs at either side straddling him on my couch.

I finally realized why he had turned up the volume on the TV, he had wanted this just like I did, plus my kid was across the hallway in her crib sleeping. I looked into his eyes and he looked in mine, I slowly made my way down to his face, brushing my lips over his. He didn't seem to stiffen at my movement; he was relaxing as I moved around. "Tell me what you want from me." He said as I raised my head lower, licking and placing small kisses on his neck. I really wasn't sure what I wanted; I just wanted to feel a man under me at this point. I didn't anticipate the night going this way or what would even happens next. He could throw me off at any minute and go home to his wife. His wife….I hadn't really thought of her. We were not friends, more acquaintances really from the club, could I sleep with a married man. I felt him move probably waiting for me to answer. "I want you to fuck my on my couch." I laughed a little, he grabbed the bottle from behind me took a couple of gulps and so did I. he placed it back on the coffee table and started to stand up from the couch with me still attached to him. He lifted me off so easily moving us in a laying down position with him on top. "This stays between you and me, got it." That was the last thing he said for the rest of the night.


	12. Chapter 12

great reviews everyone thanks! things are going to start to heat up, keep reading.

When I woke the next morning my eyes stung as soon as the tiny cracks of light moved on me. Last night was kinda a haze and most of the details were fuzzy but I knew what went down. Opie had me pinned to the couch with little to nowhere to go, I remember him pulling at my pants as I pulled at his with need. After a round on the couch I was afraid we would wake Sophie so I pulled him towards my bedroom grabbing the almost empty bottle with.

I tried sitting up on the bed but the excruciating pain in my head stopped me. I patted around the bed to find a bottle of water or some painkillers that I had in randomly around. My hands patted to the side of me and found that Opie was still there sound asleep. I wasn't really sure what to think about that, I was sure that after we were done for the night he would have just left. I found my draw and opened it fishing out some pills and downed them with the last few drops of jack that was in the bottle. Opie stirred at my movements and started to open his eyes. He was looking around soaking in the environment and remembers the events that took place there. His hands went up to his face and he wiped his eyes trying to finally open them. "Here" I said handing him a couple of painkillers. He looked up at me nodded and took them try into his mouth. He slowly sat up and I just sat there in my bed with the covers around my naked body protecting myself from the words that might come from his mouth.

He seemed to be looking around the room, probably looking for his pants and other thrown off and discarded clothing that was everywhere in the room, including my own. I was starting to feel more naked by the second and the awkwardness was starting to crawl in too. He still didn't look at me and if he did I don't think I would be looking back. He started to move around still rubbing his eyes, when he likely he had spotted what he was looking, for he moved under the covers towards the side of the bed and retrieved his boxers and pants. With his back to me I started to look for me own clothing or something that I could at least cover myself with. The only think I found was a pair of boy shorts and a tank top that would have to do. I put them on under the covers, I kinda started laugh to myself, and this was seriously fucking hilarious to me at that moment. I couldn't stop and at that time Opie finally turned around and looked at me like id lost my mind. "What's so funny?" I looked at him laughed some more and threw my tank top on quick letting the covers finally go since I was covered and I sat up on the bed on my knees moving over towards him. He was looking at me like I was crazy that this point, maybe I was, maybe a finally snapped. I grabbed for his hand and pulled him to come back towards me. He hesitated at first but allowed me to pull him back down onto the bed with me. "I don't know, I guess I never thought…" he sighed and put his arm around my neck and brought me close to him. "Nothing happened." He said as his mouth covered mine and I couldn't stop myself from kissing him back.

I started to hear small cries coming from the hallway and knew that I had to break off the kiss and get back to real life. He seemed to know that too and broke it off before I did and stood back up. He grabbed the rest of his clothes and moved out back into the hallway towards the living room knowing that's where his jacket and cut were. I took a breath and started to move into the same direction. I detoured into Sophie's room and picked her up out of the crib and placed her on my hip and walked back towards the living room watching Opie put on the rest of his clothing. Something inside me didn't want him to put his clothes back on; I wanted them off and him in my bed again. I shook my head a little, I had to get those thoughts out, I knew I did something that couldn't be taken back and there was no reason to walk further down the plank. He turned at started towards the door but I couldn't help myself, putting Soph down in her pack and play I walked towards him as he was getting closer to the door. "Wait" I said trying to keep the pathetic to a minimal. He turned his eyes piercing through me like he was reading me like a book. "I gotta get to work, and so do you." He stated as a was close enough to touch him now by the front door. "I don't…I don't want you to go." I said, inside I was slapping myself. He looked down at me for a moment. "You knew what this was, it can't happen again." But I wanted it to… "Why not? It's not like you didn't enjoy it..." I said with a seductive smile. He was not smiling at this point; I might have gone too far with this. I placed a hand on his arm to bring him back to the conversation; I really wanted him to say something. As soon as my hand touched the sleeve of his shirt he grabbed it, not holding back with the pressure holding it up and whirling me around towards the door slamming me against it. I didn't know if I should be scared or turned on more by his actions. He came close to my face, inches "this was nothing more than a ride out hook up for me, don't think anything otherwise. Maybe Cara Cara is a good choice for you, you have the talents, this won't happen again" he didn't move his face from mine; I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. I couldn't stop the warm wet tears starting to run down my face. He was right; I was just another whore to him, a distraction as he was supposed to be for me. I tuned my face from him at much as I could but he grabbed my face to make me look him in the eyes, I could tell that he was trying to hurt me, that it might be better if I hated him. I knew he didn't mean the words, his eyes gave him away. His mouth suddenly came down on mine hard. I was still pinned in place and he moved closer using his weight against the wall and me in-between.

I couldn't stop myself pushing myself as close as I could get to him; I wanted him now even more than last night. He could feel me and I could feel him, his hand snaked down towards his pants zipper and slid it down, and then the top button freeing himself. I thought he had put his boxers back on but apparently not. My mouth was crushed to his and I didn't even want to come up for air. I felt him push my boy shorts to the side feeling me as he did to make sure I was ready, which I was. He entered me hard and fast, feeling the need from both of us he didn't stop or slow down. He pushed me up further on the wall now elevating me upwards to get a better hold of me. He finally let my hands go and I grabbed onto his hair and pushed myself up and down on him using the wall for some leverage. I felt myself getting close and I could feel he was the same. As fast as I came he followed me, feeling him fill me up inside burning though me.

After it was all over and I could finally feel my legs again he planted one more kiss on my lips and set me down. He pulled his pants up and fastened them back up. I pushed my panties back in place pulling down my tank to cover myself more. He backed away a little to give me some room. I took a couple of deep breaths to get my heart to settle. He looked down at me and brushed a piece of hair out of my face. "I gotta go…ill see you at work later." I had forgotten about work, about Jax, about the club. For one moment I was in a bubble and I knew as soon as he left through the door that that bubble was going to be popped. I nodded to him and opened the door for him to leave out of it. He walked passed me and brushing my face with the back of his hand as he went though.

As soon as the door closed, I backed up against it, falling down onto the ground and started to sob. The only thing that broke my train of thought was the sound of Sophie in the living room yelling for her cereal. I stood back up and used the bottom of my tank to wipe my eyes and walked towards her. "Good morning baby, are you hungry?" I said giving her small kisses on the side of her face.


	13. Chapter 13

I don't think my heart will start beating the normal way again after last night and this morning. I was still trying to catch my breath and relax through breakfast and the whole time driving to the garage. I was flustered, my cheeks were pink and so were my lips. At least he didn't leave any knowing marks that I couldn't explain. Parking the car I got out and headed straight into the clubhouse. A quick shot might do the trick and calm me down. I saw some of the guys chatting and getting ready to start the day. When I entered the clubhouse it was dead silent, not even the prospect was there. I walked behind the bar and grabbed a shot glass and a bottle of whatever I could reach. Pouring myself a couple I sat down on a stool resting my head on the bar. I could hear sounds coming from down the hall of the dorms. Most likely some croweaters taking their walk of shame. I didn't bother to turn around so see the train wrecks that emerged. I could hear Jax's voice from a distance, he seemed like he was talking to someone but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I betrayed myself and turned towards the voice leaving the bottle and shot glass behind as I stood and made my way towards the conversation. Jax was leaning against the door of his dorm and Tara was out in the hallway. They seemed like they were having an intense discussion and I didn't feel like interrupting. I had enough on my mind and I had cried enough tears for Jackson Teller. As I was moving away from them I heard my name. Jax had seen me walk away from them and had started to walk towards where I was standing, back at the bar and next to my open bottle and glass. "Morning" was all I could get out, what did he expect me to do? "Tara just came to give me an update on Able. She was just about to leave." I smirked at him, and nodded. "Didn't know she made house calls." I jumped off the seat again not wanting to draw this out any longer and headed out to the garage and towards Gemma's office for my work orders.

The day was hot and the layers of clothing I had on were not helping. I decided to take off my TM shirt and just leave my white tank on instead. I grabbed a ratty cloth from beside me and wiped off my face. It was time for a break and all the alcohol from last night was trying to escape my body. I went and sat down on one of the benches just outside the garage with some shade I grabbed a bottle of water and lit a cigarette. Closing my eyes I flinched a little bit when I felt another presence beside me, it was Chibs. "Hot today girly, haven't really seen you today, you been hiding out?" I laughed at his comment, and gave him a smile and a nudge. "Why would I hide from my favorite bicker?" I said gaining a smile back from him. He and I sat there for a few more moments of silence. He lit a cigarette and took a deep drag while I was just finishing mine. "Seems like you and Jackie boy aren't as close as you once were. You going to let that doctor take your place?" he said in a small voice that was just for me to hear. I really didn't know the answer to that. There was still some sort of feeling there. I hated to see Jax with anyone else, worse if it was Tara, but I was not cut out to be an old lady and I didn't think Jax was cut out to be a one woman man. "I don't know Chibs, don't see it going anywhere. You know him…" he nodded to me, he knew what Jax was like, they all did. How could I think that he could change, he hadn't changed in the time that he got me pregnant and I gave him a child all while he was having another child with a crack whore of a women. I was only 20 years old, and I had just fucked the married best friend of my baby's daddy last night. The slope was starting to get sloppier. I felt the urge for another shot and another smoke.


	14. Chapter 14

At the end of the work day I had seen many of the guys coming and going and not too happy faces. I saw Tig and Jax just arrive back looking like they had been giving and receiving a good beating. I walked towards them pepping myself up a little, though I don't know why. Gilt most likely. "So who won the fight?" I said with a smirk on my face, I wasn't matched with their gazes. They walked towards me; I could see the damage up close. Jax was bleeding from his nose with a couple of bruises starting to show, Tig looked a little less banged up. As they both passed by me Jax still walking looked over his shoulder to me "clubhouse" and continued his way inside with some of the other guys now following in.

Everyone was starting to gather at the clubhouse bar Jax had been pacing back and forth and the others were in whispered conversation. Others that surprised me were there like the hang rounds, Happy, and some family members with their kids. I had taken a seat at the bar near Jax as he had told me to do. When we were circling back around I caught his arm and pulled him towards me. He jerked away at first not expecting the touch but came close. "Why are the families here? Should I pick up Sophie?" He looked at me for a moment and put an arm around my waist. "Gemma picked her up a little while ago. She's taking a nap in my dorm." I was shocked, why did no one tell me that my daughter were I had dropped her, this is the shit I was so over with. "Really Jax? You couldn't let me know all this shit was happening?" he didn't respond at first and came a little closer towards my ear. "We are on a lock down and you have a huge target on your back you're not leaving the clubhouse without a patch or me." I didn't care about the closeness at this point I just wanted to know what was going on. I gave my fear away when I grasped onto Jax's arm as he was telling me this information. "Its ok baby, you're safe." I was comforted by his voice and reassurance of that fact. If Jax was anything it was protective and loyal. Well not loyal in a sense that he could keep it in his pants, but loyal to the ones who he cared about and I knew there was still that twinge of feelings that he had for me and the love that he had for his child.

Clay finally walked in though the front doors followed by a couple of guys from the Tacoma charter. There was a lot of man power here, which by itself made me uneasy. Jax really hadn't moved from the position that he was in when we were talking just moved over to the seat right next to mine with his arm around the back of the chair listening to what clay had to say. "We are all on lockdown till further notice. Anyone who needs to leave will leave with a patched member at all times. At this time we can't tell you a lot of the details. This is for your safety and the safety of the club. Gemma and a group will be going to do a stock run later today, we have plenty of room, make yourself at home." And that was it he walked into church and were followed by the rest of the patched members, Jax getting off his chair he stopped at turned around our faces close, he kissed my forehead and then softly on my lips. "It will be fine; she's in my dorm you might wanna go check to see if she's awake." All I could do was nod and watch him leave towards the big heavy wooden doors. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Opie going in the same direction, I also saw Donna and his kids gathered around with some of the other old ladies chattering away. He caught me gaze as he passed me, brushing past my leg just enough that I felt it but not enough that no one else would notice. I let out the intake of breath that I had felt that I had been holding in for the last hour and felt ease, guilt, and confusion all at once.

I got out of my chair waving at Gemma and thanking her for picking up Sophie and walked towards Jax's dorm room. I cracked open the door and saw my baby girl curled up clinging to one of Jax's t-shirts like a blanket. The room was dark and cool, mostly cleaned up which was surprising. I felt the tension of the day start to wear on my body and I wanted nothing more than a nap. I slowly took off my work clothes and found an old t-shirt in a drawer sliding it over my body it felt like the old days, his smell and comfort. Little by little I inched my way into the bed beside my sleeping beauty claiming a little piece of the covers that I could without waking her up. It didn't even feel like seconds before I asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**please keep sending your reviews! It will keep the story going. Will update soon!**

Half asleep I felt the bed move and the covers that were around me move a little. I knew that it wasn't Sophie yet she was still passed out next to me now cuddling with my extended arm. The arms that I felt grab around my waist and around to my stomach. I lifted my head a little to look back and see who I already knew would be there. "Just me baby, go back to sleep" Jax said and tried getting in beside me. Really he was going to get into bed with us like nothing had happened the day before. When I heard Tara's voice in the background as I called him, I thought about it for a second and realized that my baby and I were sleeping in his bed that probably hadn't been washed since yesterday. I sat up quickly off the bed not wanting to touch it anymore. "What the fuc…" said Jax at the quick movement. "Sorry I just remembered that I'm probably sleeping in your cum stains right now."

I started to get up off of the bed, surprised that Sophie hadn't woken up yet. "What are you talking about?" Jax said and reached out and took a hold of my upper arm. I tried pulling myself free but that didn't work, he seemed to be getting mad at my outburst. In hushed tones trying not to wake the sleeping baby right beside us "you fucked Tara in here last night and I just remembered that these sheets are probably not clean." Jax didn't seem to know what I was talking about and didn't really like the tone of voice that I was using because he was standing up and taking my arm with him as he moved towards a wall pushing me back against it. "I don't know what you are talking about and I don't like the accusations. Yeah Tara was here last night but I didn't fuck her and just to let you know she is going to be stopping by here pretty soon with Able. He is strong enough to be out of there and I wanted him here with us to be safe." I just nodded not really wanting to take my chances on his mood. He had seemed very stressed today and I could smell the liquor on his breath. I felt stupid that I had just assumed that he slept with her last night but it wasn't like it never happened before. I lowered my eyes to him not wanting him to see any of the emotions that I had been feeling today. He could always read me like a book, always. He started to loosen his grip on me "so what is this about you going to talk to Luanne?". My head snapped back up to him. "Just having a chat with my mother is that a crime?" he smirked a little but didn't seemed to be amused. "You haven't called her mom in a long time must have been a good conversation." I sighed and started to move away "I went to go ask her about a job." His expression changed in an instant walking towards me getting close to my face this time with his hands back in their previous place on my upper arms keeping me in place. "That's not going to happen. You are not a whore, you are my old lady weather you like it or not and that is not ever going to happen"

His words were running deep into my core, he never used his body and control over me like this before. He was frightening me a little. "Jax could you have a couple of the guys come get this stuff and bring it in?" I saw a glint of Gemma behind us, her face was a little shocked at the display that she had walked into. Jax let go of my arms and walked out of the room saying nothing to anyone and yelling at the guys to help. Gemma stood at the door just looking for a minute and walked in looking over at the bed at the now slowly waking child that thankfully hadn't witnessed anything. "Everything OK?" she said eying me "its fine" I said and walked over towards the bathroom. "Can you take Sophie out and get her some dinner, let her play with the other kids for a while? I really need to shower" Gemma nodded "sure darlin, take your time. Dinner will be ready in a little while"


End file.
